Thursday morning, 5:15 am

Ysa's been awake since 3:45 am. I am not sure why; however, she just announced she wants a "peanut butter jelly 'sannich'." I said, "really, you're hungry?" She replies, "Dat's wight, waaa-bit, you have to eat carrots." OK. She's so funny. Good thing, at 5:15 am.

Just a Monday

I have school this weekend so that means I have schoolwork to do every day because I *will* procrastinate.

Since I was researching much of the morning, Goo complained that she wasn't getting enough attention and didn't have anyone to play with. She doesn't care about my anecdotes from my childhood that involve me playing imaginary games for endless hours because my mom wasn't the kind that played with kids. She's just like--too bad for you, but we're talking about me here. Anyway, Goo's been wanting me to give her a massage with the Lush massage bar so I decided that would be a good break from research. I gave her a massage, then Bella, then they had to give me a massage, then they remembered the sparkle massage bar and had to rub that all over themselves. By the time we were done, they both looked rather moist and were covered in iridescent sparkles, plus their hair looked kinda greasy.

Now it was time to run some errands, so we all got dressed. First, Ysa came out with two different shoes, but usually that's no problem; however, this time she had one of Goo's on, and well, it was just too big. When we were finally ready to go, my Bella Luna had on green froggy rain boots--to match her aqua shirt, no doubt-- (no, it wasn't raining when we left), and Goo had on pink kitty cat rain boots and a yellow and red lady bug raincoat. With the sparkles and moist look, it was quite an ensemble.

In the car, Bella was asking a series of questions based on whether I was going to crash the car into various objects: old ladies, trees, gas stations, myself; also whether my legs were going to come off in the crash, or perhaps would I break my neck? She already worries me a little since she will get out the plastic tweezers from her doctor kit and say, "I nip you, then you cry, okay?" She also has asked me to make the outside cat, Matt Damon, cry, and when I ask her why she says, "Because I like him to cry." My only comfort is that she doesn't do anything to the cat to make him cry when I refuse. Who wants to see Matt Damon cry? Not me.

At the pet store where we went to buy light cat food for our increasingly obese cat herd, they campaigned for every pet there. They wanted ferrets, birds, bunnies, hamsters, gerbils, hermit crabs, fish, crayfish, and even the live crickets people feed to other pets. I let them pet two of the ferrets, of which I am quite partial. They stink, but are so slinky and adorable. The first one we held was sound asleep and flopped around like it was dead but then woke up abruptly. The girls loved it. It sniffed at them and tickled their ears and climbed around. I briefly thought of Steven's facial expression if he came home from work and found that I had spent $150 of our meager funds for yet another pet; one not litter trained; one that steals and stashes and chews; one more nocturnal than our cats. The words "many nights spent in a bar," and "divorce court," crossed my mind.

We didn't buy the ferret, despite Bella's assertion that it wanted to go home with us.

death and sex

I had to have one of my cats put to sleep 10 days ago. Chloe's health had been declining and the vet thought that it was a thyroid condition but it ended up being cancer and her liver was failing. I thought when I took her into the vet that I would drop her off and if she had to be euthanized that I would come back by myself as I had the girls with me. As it turns out, it was surgery day at the vet's and they had to do it right then, so both my girls were with me. They offered for them to wait in the waiting room, but Ysa wouldn't stay with the receptionist and Garnet wanted to be brave and stayed with me.

I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, having them there. Ysa is so little and I thought that the term, "put to sleep," might scare her when it was time for her to go to sleep. I explained that it wasn't the same kind of sleep but really she didn't seem concerned. It's difficult to know what to allow your child to experience...should I have made them stay in the waiting room? I think that would have been more traumatic. Garnet and I have had some talks about the cats still at home, how they are pretty young but one day will get sick and die. She occasionally asks me when I will die, she's a worrier, that one. I tell her that people often live to be very old and that I do my best to take care of myself and be healthy, but really we just have to appreciate right now and be happy and not worry about later.

At the other end of the spectrum, Garnet finally got around to asking me how babies are actually made. She's known for awhile that the baby grows in the uterus and how it gets out, but she never thought to ask how it gets there, until last week. We were in the car, and I did my best to just be matter of fact about the whole thing. She was worried--she said it seemed hard and that I just happened to get lucky. I told her it wasn't so difficult. She loves babies and sometimes she worries about not being able to have one. I don't know why she would worry about that, but it's one of the things that we talk about when we go to sleep at night. I really think she didn't quite believe me because, later that evening, we were looking at a website, howstuffworks.com, and she said I should ask the website so we could get the "real" answer. I was a little incredulous that she thought I didn't really know! Like maybe it was some mystery and I made up the answer on the fly. I do remember when I found out, I thought it was a lie. At nine, it seemed to me kind of a gross way of going about it.

Having to explain things to children makes you (hopefully) think about why you feel the way you do. It helps clarify your position. Lets you in on the stuff you need to learn about.

Funny stuff they say...

Steven related a conversation between Garnet and Ysa regarding Garnet's ballerina Barbie with the spinning skirt.

Garnet was in the tub and Ysa came in and said,"Goo, you help me?" because she couldn't get the skirt to spin around. Garnet patiently explained how to straighted out the skirt and legs so it would spin freely when the button was pushed. Ysa left saying,"Tanks, Goo, you best friend."

Ysa likes to bite us. I was alerted to another biting incident by Garnet's screams. I told Ysa that she was not to bite her sister and she said,"But, I hunny! (hungry)" I told her this was no excuse and she was not allowed to eat her sister.

Garnet came in the other day with a baby doll and said,"Look at my new baby," to which I replied,"Well, she's beautiful." Garnet said,"Her name is Victoria Secret." Unfortunately, I hurt her feelings a little because I laughed so hard. When she said the word 'Victoria,' I just didn't expect 'Secret.' I explained that to her and I think she understood a little. She said,"Well, I think it's a pretty name," and I did agree with her.