Adventures in the VA
I am excited about my new internship at the VA. I've never worked with dying people and that's what I'll be doing and the social worker who will be supervising me is enthusiastic...an amazing attribute after being a social worker for nearly 30 years.
Anyway, it's already turned into a minor inconvenience because the training starts before the actual semester and I have no child care for Goo so I have to scramble to find that. Then, I get a call Monday afternoon at 4:30 from the guy who interviewed me and I guess is the intern coordinator. He asks if I can come for my pre-employment physical the next morning at 8:30. Because I like to be accommodating, I say yeah, sure and take down the information. Here's an aside: I take my kids most everywhere. Post office, grocery store, weddings (if they're welcome), and yes to my doctor appointments. I can't afford to get a sitter every time I go to the doctor, so both my girls have even accompanied me to my yearly gynecological exam. I think it serves to show them it's no big deal.
I show up at the VA with my kids to begin the labyrinth that is government bureaucracy. First you must go to the receptionist in Employee Health to fill out paper work. The disdain started here. Receptionist Lady With Helmet Hair said, "I don't know if they can see you with your children; the doctor has to do an exam, you know." I told her I always take my kids with me to the doctor. In a condescending tone, she said, "But this is for employment." I thought to myself, "Yeah, it's an unpaid internship and I'm not working *today* so what do you care?" Instead, I smiled politely and apologized and explained I didn't have child care; that my husband works for UF and this was his rush time of year. She then asked me if another day would work out better...no, no it wouldn't. Everyday is the same: all of my friends work and the one friend that's home for the summer is on vacation. With a sigh, she said to fill out the paper work and she would check to see if they could see me.
I fill out the paperwork in the hallway. Bella thinks it great fun to remove her shoes and race around crazily. I have to put a stop to that after she nearly causes old folks with canes and walkers to break a hip. Bella is not one for sitting still. I finally had to hold her on my lap while I attempted to write. I had a click pen so what's fun (if you are a 3 year old imp) is to retracted to the pen while mama tries to detail her mental health disorders for the federal government. Ahhh, done.
Turns out they can see me today but we have to wait in reception for 10 minutes or so. Goo is regaling the lady with stories of her "special" school where they have chickens and peacocks, her "real jade" earrings, and the fact that Bella's favorite songs are the ones about nummy milk. The lady found Goo charming, but she seemed to think we were a strange family. Especially strange was the special school with peacocks. Receptionist Lady says we are to go see the nurse for vital signs. Down the hall, turn left, then right. Take her this paper work.
We have to wait for 15-20 minutes for the nurse to see us. I try to keep my children occupied; we read cartoon pamphlets about reducing the spread of TB; I read an inspirational story about surviving end stage breast cancer in "Cancer Monthly." Bella wants to climb on the chair rail attached to the wall. I give up and let her with my assistance while reading the bulletin board postings to Goo. Oh, good there's Unsmiling Nurse Lady, bastardizing my last name. Ummm, more disdain. "Do you have someone to watch them?" "No, aren't you going to just take my vital signs?" Big Sigh. "Yes. your vital signs." We all troop in. She takes my blood pressure and temperature. Goo and Bella DO NOT DESTROY THE EQUIPMENT! THEY DON'T RUIN MY VITALS! WHOO HOOO! "You can go back and wait for the doctor," she says looking at my kids pointedly, "he will have to examine you." I bet she doesn't know that both my girls have seen me spread eagle while the midwife examines me. I should have asked if he was going to look at my coochie snorcher.
More waiting. More reading medical literature. More climbing on the rails. Obese Greasy Hair Lady With Ugly Biker Tank Top keeps looking at my children and muttering, "Jesus Christ." They were not doing anything atypical. Goo was being exceptionally cooperative. Bella was just frustrated by the wait. But no yelling, screaming, crying, tantrums. None of that.
Our turn at last with Uptight Doctor Man. He looked in my eyes, ears, throat. Bella stood up on the examining table and looked at a picture. Uptight Doctor Man freaked out and ordered me to get her down. I did. Uptight Doctor Man checked my reflexes; Bella stood up on chair. Doctor freaked again, "Don't let her stand up in that chair! She might fall and hurt herself!" I told her that the doctor didn't like her to stand up because he was afraid she would fall and hurt herself. Weird Uptight Doctor said, as if I was a moron, "Well, I don't mind if she stands on the floor." Well, no shit. Then he pokes my stomach, listens to my heart and lungs and makes me stand up and touch my toes. He didn't look at my coochie snorcher, or even my nummies. Time to go to the lab, back past Big Hair Receptionist Lady down the hall to the left.
Interestingly enough, the people in the lab didn't look askance at my children one bit. Here was the one place where they could have actually been a problem, since I had to have blood drawn and pee in a cup. Bella sat in my lap while the guy drew my blood, she could have squirmed and the needle stick would have hurt, but she didn't. Why? She's seen me get blood work plenty of time. The whole time Friendly Blood Draw Guy joked with Goo about being a vampire, which she thought was hilarious. Even more endearing to my children, he gave them candy. Then he gave me a cup to go pee in. It's great entertainment to watch Mama pee in a cup. The staff never questioned my ability to take care of my children and get my business taken care of. Maybe because they are considered "paraprofessionals" and probably are low rent like me and actually take their children on errands because they don't have babysitters waiting in the wings. I don't know.
Now for the fingerprints. Here's a question: If the fingerprint office is in the main part of the hospital, why does one have to go outside, behind the hospital to the HR office to get a piece of paper to fill out and take back to the Understanding Fingerprint Lady? Why not have the paper in the fingerprint office? I know, I know, there is no logical answer. Our last encounter at the VA was with Understanding Fingerprint Lady. She wasn't rude to my children, she also gave them candy and after she had fingerprinted me and took my picture for my badge, she took another picture of the three of us and printed up three extra badges, one for each of us. A kind, kind woman.
When we got back in the car, it was 11:20. We were there for over 21/2 hours. The guy who set it up said 15-20 minutes. I guess that was actual time spent with medical personnel, minus the wait.
You know, I felt like a freak. The people there looked at my kids like they were aliens. I know that this VA treats mostly older people at this point, but still, people there probably have their own children, or grandchildren. It appears some people think kids should only be seen in the context of "kid places," like playgrounds, schools, their own homes. They aren't foreign creatures. I just don't understand.
Anyway, it's already turned into a minor inconvenience because the training starts before the actual semester and I have no child care for Goo so I have to scramble to find that. Then, I get a call Monday afternoon at 4:30 from the guy who interviewed me and I guess is the intern coordinator. He asks if I can come for my pre-employment physical the next morning at 8:30. Because I like to be accommodating, I say yeah, sure and take down the information. Here's an aside: I take my kids most everywhere. Post office, grocery store, weddings (if they're welcome), and yes to my doctor appointments. I can't afford to get a sitter every time I go to the doctor, so both my girls have even accompanied me to my yearly gynecological exam. I think it serves to show them it's no big deal.
I show up at the VA with my kids to begin the labyrinth that is government bureaucracy. First you must go to the receptionist in Employee Health to fill out paper work. The disdain started here. Receptionist Lady With Helmet Hair said, "I don't know if they can see you with your children; the doctor has to do an exam, you know." I told her I always take my kids with me to the doctor. In a condescending tone, she said, "But this is for employment." I thought to myself, "Yeah, it's an unpaid internship and I'm not working *today* so what do you care?" Instead, I smiled politely and apologized and explained I didn't have child care; that my husband works for UF and this was his rush time of year. She then asked me if another day would work out better...no, no it wouldn't. Everyday is the same: all of my friends work and the one friend that's home for the summer is on vacation. With a sigh, she said to fill out the paper work and she would check to see if they could see me.
I fill out the paperwork in the hallway. Bella thinks it great fun to remove her shoes and race around crazily. I have to put a stop to that after she nearly causes old folks with canes and walkers to break a hip. Bella is not one for sitting still. I finally had to hold her on my lap while I attempted to write. I had a click pen so what's fun (if you are a 3 year old imp) is to retracted to the pen while mama tries to detail her mental health disorders for the federal government. Ahhh, done.
Turns out they can see me today but we have to wait in reception for 10 minutes or so. Goo is regaling the lady with stories of her "special" school where they have chickens and peacocks, her "real jade" earrings, and the fact that Bella's favorite songs are the ones about nummy milk. The lady found Goo charming, but she seemed to think we were a strange family. Especially strange was the special school with peacocks. Receptionist Lady says we are to go see the nurse for vital signs. Down the hall, turn left, then right. Take her this paper work.
We have to wait for 15-20 minutes for the nurse to see us. I try to keep my children occupied; we read cartoon pamphlets about reducing the spread of TB; I read an inspirational story about surviving end stage breast cancer in "Cancer Monthly." Bella wants to climb on the chair rail attached to the wall. I give up and let her with my assistance while reading the bulletin board postings to Goo. Oh, good there's Unsmiling Nurse Lady, bastardizing my last name. Ummm, more disdain. "Do you have someone to watch them?" "No, aren't you going to just take my vital signs?" Big Sigh. "Yes. your vital signs." We all troop in. She takes my blood pressure and temperature. Goo and Bella DO NOT DESTROY THE EQUIPMENT! THEY DON'T RUIN MY VITALS! WHOO HOOO! "You can go back and wait for the doctor," she says looking at my kids pointedly, "he will have to examine you." I bet she doesn't know that both my girls have seen me spread eagle while the midwife examines me. I should have asked if he was going to look at my coochie snorcher.
More waiting. More reading medical literature. More climbing on the rails. Obese Greasy Hair Lady With Ugly Biker Tank Top keeps looking at my children and muttering, "Jesus Christ." They were not doing anything atypical. Goo was being exceptionally cooperative. Bella was just frustrated by the wait. But no yelling, screaming, crying, tantrums. None of that.
Our turn at last with Uptight Doctor Man. He looked in my eyes, ears, throat. Bella stood up on the examining table and looked at a picture. Uptight Doctor Man freaked out and ordered me to get her down. I did. Uptight Doctor Man checked my reflexes; Bella stood up on chair. Doctor freaked again, "Don't let her stand up in that chair! She might fall and hurt herself!" I told her that the doctor didn't like her to stand up because he was afraid she would fall and hurt herself. Weird Uptight Doctor said, as if I was a moron, "Well, I don't mind if she stands on the floor." Well, no shit. Then he pokes my stomach, listens to my heart and lungs and makes me stand up and touch my toes. He didn't look at my coochie snorcher, or even my nummies. Time to go to the lab, back past Big Hair Receptionist Lady down the hall to the left.
Interestingly enough, the people in the lab didn't look askance at my children one bit. Here was the one place where they could have actually been a problem, since I had to have blood drawn and pee in a cup. Bella sat in my lap while the guy drew my blood, she could have squirmed and the needle stick would have hurt, but she didn't. Why? She's seen me get blood work plenty of time. The whole time Friendly Blood Draw Guy joked with Goo about being a vampire, which she thought was hilarious. Even more endearing to my children, he gave them candy. Then he gave me a cup to go pee in. It's great entertainment to watch Mama pee in a cup. The staff never questioned my ability to take care of my children and get my business taken care of. Maybe because they are considered "paraprofessionals" and probably are low rent like me and actually take their children on errands because they don't have babysitters waiting in the wings. I don't know.
Now for the fingerprints. Here's a question: If the fingerprint office is in the main part of the hospital, why does one have to go outside, behind the hospital to the HR office to get a piece of paper to fill out and take back to the Understanding Fingerprint Lady? Why not have the paper in the fingerprint office? I know, I know, there is no logical answer. Our last encounter at the VA was with Understanding Fingerprint Lady. She wasn't rude to my children, she also gave them candy and after she had fingerprinted me and took my picture for my badge, she took another picture of the three of us and printed up three extra badges, one for each of us. A kind, kind woman.
When we got back in the car, it was 11:20. We were there for over 21/2 hours. The guy who set it up said 15-20 minutes. I guess that was actual time spent with medical personnel, minus the wait.
You know, I felt like a freak. The people there looked at my kids like they were aliens. I know that this VA treats mostly older people at this point, but still, people there probably have their own children, or grandchildren. It appears some people think kids should only be seen in the context of "kid places," like playgrounds, schools, their own homes. They aren't foreign creatures. I just don't understand.
posted by Gazapo @ 6:46 AM
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