my mom
I had a dream that woke me up crying this morning.
My mom died almost 16 years ago; Garnet is named after her. Her best friend, Dee, died 5-6 years ago, I think, she was like a second mother to me but she changed drastically after my mother died and we were never as close. In fact my whole family fell apart after her death and it has never been the same.
In the dream, Dee was still alive and having an anniversary party. She was pretty old and a little loopy but she was the old Dee that I loved. There were all of her family members around, hundreds of them, and I didn't know most of them as we had been estranged for so long. Finally, when she was tucked in her bed after the party, I went in and snuggled with her and got out this photo album of my girls that I had been pathetically carrying around the whole time. I said, "Please will you look at these? I don't have anyone else to show them to." And woke up crying for her and my mom in a way I hadn't in years. It brought back the incredible pain and loneliness of missing my mother that I haven't felt as intensely in years.
But here's the thing: I do have someone to show those pictures to. I have a funny and wacky mother in law in California that thinks of our family often and who sends thoughtful, amusing, and diverting gifts. I have cousins that we get to see often, spend holidays with and have been an amazing support when we have needed them. I have a motley collection of odd and wonderful friends that my children are lucky to have in their lives. These are people that love my children despite having no blood ties and no obligation to do so. It's probably not the same, but it might be just as good. And really it doesn't matter; it's what I have and I am darn thankful.
So thank you, all of you people that love my children, you know who you are.
My mom died almost 16 years ago; Garnet is named after her. Her best friend, Dee, died 5-6 years ago, I think, she was like a second mother to me but she changed drastically after my mother died and we were never as close. In fact my whole family fell apart after her death and it has never been the same.
In the dream, Dee was still alive and having an anniversary party. She was pretty old and a little loopy but she was the old Dee that I loved. There were all of her family members around, hundreds of them, and I didn't know most of them as we had been estranged for so long. Finally, when she was tucked in her bed after the party, I went in and snuggled with her and got out this photo album of my girls that I had been pathetically carrying around the whole time. I said, "Please will you look at these? I don't have anyone else to show them to." And woke up crying for her and my mom in a way I hadn't in years. It brought back the incredible pain and loneliness of missing my mother that I haven't felt as intensely in years.
But here's the thing: I do have someone to show those pictures to. I have a funny and wacky mother in law in California that thinks of our family often and who sends thoughtful, amusing, and diverting gifts. I have cousins that we get to see often, spend holidays with and have been an amazing support when we have needed them. I have a motley collection of odd and wonderful friends that my children are lucky to have in their lives. These are people that love my children despite having no blood ties and no obligation to do so. It's probably not the same, but it might be just as good. And really it doesn't matter; it's what I have and I am darn thankful.
So thank you, all of you people that love my children, you know who you are.
posted by Gazapo @ 4:48 AM
1 Comments:
At 8:32 AM,
Squeakyrock said…
The best thing about getting older is that you get to make your own family (to some extent). And we can get away from (to some extent) our family in favor of our "chosen family". We all make our families with our spouses/sig others and with a family of friends and assorted weirdos. While my actual family is awesome in most ways, they irritate me in ways that my friends never could.
What am I saying? I know what you mean. You guys in particular do have quite an extended chosen family. And that's good for you, your kids, and something really to be proud of.
Sorry to end with a preposition.
H
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